A udallesque one

Sunday was asking for a chill outside. I thought about flicking through the phone for a second, deciding to stick with myself. Jumped on a train and went down to a river bank. Then walked back few stations before catching another train to return.

Met a young bloke along the way who was asking where he was and how to get to a river. Ten minutes later, he asked me how to get somewhere where he presumably lived. And then we walked together for a while.

He said he was eighteen. He said he had a girlfriend, not a proper one, just to have one. He said he didn't go to school anymore, he found it boring. He said he worked but he didn't like it 'cos he wasn't getting paid enough. He said he could work as a mechanic, yet he never went to get any training. And he asked if I knew about a good place to share as his housemates were pissing him off.

That brief encounter left me feel good about myself (almost udallesque feeling). I may be stumbling and taking wrong turns and stopping where I shouldn't or driving too fast. I sometimes wonder if to go left or right or even if to go back a little and then decide once again.

Nevertheless, I still keep going and keep holding the general direction, however winding it may be.

And considering that little chat today, it really makes me feel good about myself.

Cold turkey

Sitting in the back of a car, looking out of the window. Half brain dead, seemingly perfectly alright. Party speedball of vodka Red Bull is slowly wearing off. Another sleepless night. Sweating just slightly, few strokes in the pool half an hour earlier are helping. Shivering a lot, though. Heartbeat still through the roof.

Coming home and suddenly — the place is empty. I've had somebody around for last two weeks, non-stop. Now I'm alone. Feels great and scary at the same time.

Lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, hiding from persistent sun and intrusive phone calls. No, I'm not gonna go anywhere today, forget it. No, don't come. Not today. Switching that bloody thing off. About time.

My eyes are wide open and I'm dreaming.

Jekyll and Hyde scenario cannot work forever. I don't want the latter one to prevail. Yet I don't want the former to take over completely either. Or do I? Or should I?

Staying alive

It will seem unimportant in a few days and I'll forget about it till the end of the month. Yet it still lingers in the air, a quad flying over my head, arrowing to a nearby bush. A shadow over my face that told me heaps more about how to live in a split of a second than years of hanging around in bars, yakking about so-called meaning of life.

I'm glad to be around.