Lenny Kravitz, Prague 15 November 2011

The great gig in the great company. The usual Lenny's set, no exceptions. And me, so brutally shaken by her glances and smiles. Tough, tough life.

Main Set: Come On Get It * Always On The Run * American Woman * It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over * Mr. Cab Driver * Black And White America * Fields Of Joy * Stand By My Woman * Believe * Stand * Rock And Roll Is Dead * Rock Star City Life * Where Are We Runnin' * Fly Away * Are You Gonna Go My Way

Encore: I Belong to You * Let Love Rule

Can't Get You Off My Mind

Speeding through the night, countryside flitting behind the windows, music filling the space. And my mind — helpless, flaccid mind — keeps staring numbly ahead. Insecure, fleeting glances are culminating into a full-blown mess that is taking its toll. Both literally and metaphorically.

Life is just a lonely highway
I'm out here on the open road
I'm old enough to see behind me
But young enough to feel my soul

Few days later, having a night out with friends. Waking up slightly dizzy, nevertheless great. Missing you, the display says. Please don't make it harder for me, I respond half asleep. And then quiet, somehow hurting. Falling asleep again before taking off to enjoy unbelievably sunny and warm November.

I've got a pocket full of money
And pocket full of keys that have no bounds
But then I think of lovin'
And I just can't get you off of my mind

This really is all wrong.

Mess

Bought the tickets for Lenny's gig and read Isaacson's book on Jobs over the weekend. Walked a lot. Hardly spoke to anybody. Calmness. Inner purity. Naivety? What was I thinking? This meant to be just the quiet before the storm.

Came to work too early on Monday morning and did not cool off for a single moment of the standard twelve hours. Barked a lot. Sent a full hundred of emails, some pretty harsh ones, too. Intense, restless day. Few swift meetings. Why do people talk bullshit to express simple ideas?

My hitched perplexed mind cannot stop wondering what is to come. I seldom feel so vulnerable, so naked. But maybe more so is she and it's me who fucked up. By even thinking about it.

I'll rip you apart — I'm being told fondly.

And I just keep wondering.