Once I was called over to a party; yet it was just a friend with two chicks. She was one of them. Incredibly beautiful, funny and outgoing. The more I came to think of it, the more she reminded me of Penny Lane character in Almost Famous. Just cutting the groupie scenario and keeping the character itself.
I remember we were playing darts and drinking vodka. And I was snorting white powder while nobody was looking.
That night, I wanted her and it did not happen. Neither then, nor ever again. Maybe it could: from time to time when I wasn't with anybody and she was available, too. Maybe. I don't know. I never tried again. We went through two roadtrips in America together, shared the bed innumberable times — and I never even touched her. And I thought I wouldn't. Never-ever. Because. Period.
Tonight, I did. To a degree. It was weird and asexual. Tonight, I saw her crying for the very first time. I embraced her clumsily and said it would be okay. I know it's going to be okay, it always is, only it takes time sometimes.
Some dickhead got her pregnant. Somebody who doesn't really want to spend his life with her.
She asked me so I told her what I would do but it's ultimately her decision. Whatever she does, it will not affect the way I care.
25 January 2014
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