I just don't know. Sometimes I have to come to standstill and take a deep breath to grasp the reality; or something slightly further off. Most time I'm freewheeling, events are unwinding around me and if I step in — it's purely automatic, without a need to think.
There are rare occasions when I come to realize myself, sort of Neo-like awakenings. Usually late at night, left on my own. Hotels, lobbies, elevators, cabs, airports; they all happen to be a proper background to reclaim consciousness for a moment.
Tonight, it's a night like that. And before I lose myself in everyday mess again, I'll rather put down a serious thought: Life without meaning is tiring beyond recognition.
And falling into decay seems like the ride of a lifetime.
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