Correction

Originally, it meant to be oversweeten:

A bowl or rice, a green tea, a romantic movie. On my own. What changed since the heydays of the noughties? A totally different part of the planet, though it feels almost the same. Yet there's a twist: I know where she is, I know that she's mine. I'll be packing soon; leaving the place, the quarter, the city and the country. Not to be falling asleep alone anymore.

Well, I suppose I leave it that way.

Early spring

It's an early spring afternoon and I'm sitting here at the bank of the river, sipping coffee and eating icecream. This city is said to have a mediterranean feel and I admit I believe it, being sunlit, warm and inviting. Wearing Wayfarers, with the breeze in the hair, it feels very much like a holiday.

This girl, sitting opposite, she's a friend. We're here for the sake of not-so-old times. She's here to tell me how the others are, the group of friends I hardly come to see anymore. And she relays how my ex is doing. And I'm to tell her how happy I am doing what I'm doing and about the whole unexpected twist in my life.

We chat until the wind picks up and the skies darken. Shall I drive you home?, I suggest and she hastily refuses only to agree a moment later after a quick look at the clouds. We smile softly and I take her home just as the pelting rain starts whipping the sidewalk.

It's an early spring after all.

Corporate pleasures

Having decided some months ago about the future, the corporate life brings all of a sudden unexpected pleasures. Funny, I haven't thought about sending emails like this one before:

Dear Ralf:

I threw a little celebration party earlier this week as my original email to you has already marked its first month anniversary without being replied to.

That being said, I hope you're doing fine. But as you may understand, I'm starting to feel a bit worried. It would be great if you could find some time to reply to me with a blank email, so I know there's no need to panic. Ctrl-R and Alt-S would do if you happen to have a PC with Outlook in English.

And I patiently wait for your full-scale email and your advise on processes for another month.

Kind regards

dw

Stuck

Two days of nothing. I hardly left the bed over the weekend. There's nobody I'd like to see and I can't think of anything of any interest to me. Having a call or two but just listening quietly rather than talking. It feels a bit like dying, yet I'm unable and unwilling to fight it.

I don't have to do much though. I did my part already and the dominoes are moving. Things are slightly changing. My work, my life, my priorities, it's happening without my further intervention.

When I made love to this girl I adored just last year, I felt very little, too. Maybe a guilt of some sort, maybe shame or humiliation. She thought it was great and I did not know what to say. I should not have done it.

Lying in bed, unable to breathe. Stuck in the state of nothingness.

Penny Lane

Once I was called over to a party; yet it was just a friend with two chicks. She was one of them. Incredibly beautiful, funny and outgoing. The more I came to think of it, the more she reminded me of Penny Lane character in Almost Famous. Just cutting the groupie scenario and keeping the character itself.

I remember we were playing darts and drinking vodka. And I was snorting white powder while nobody was looking.

That night, I wanted her and it did not happen. Neither then, nor ever again. Maybe it could: from time to time when I wasn't with anybody and she was available, too. Maybe. I don't know. I never tried again. We went through two roadtrips in America together, shared the bed innumberable times — and I never even touched her. And I thought I wouldn't. Never-ever. Because. Period.

Tonight, I did. To a degree. It was weird and asexual. Tonight, I saw her crying for the very first time. I embraced her clumsily and said it would be okay. I know it's going to be okay, it always is, only it takes time sometimes.

Some dickhead got her pregnant. Somebody who doesn't really want to spend his life with her.

She asked me so I told her what I would do but it's ultimately her decision. Whatever she does, it will not affect the way I care.